Monday, August 31, 2009

Tale of the Tape: Minnesota Golden Gophers vs Syracuse Orange

Yes it is that time of the year. The ToT! SU will start the season off vs Minnesota. To win, we must know our enemy, and in this case our enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit, ever. They're like the Viet Cong, Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. The winner of this battle will receive a special victory Tattoo. This season Nancy Cantor has volunteered to receive the Tattoos won by SU. This week the teams will be playing for Orange Twins:

Lets get to it!

Born on Date
Minn: 1851 vs SU: 1870
Ottos Edge: Minn... their first students didnt attend until 1867 due to financial issues

GPS (Location)
Minn: Twin Cities (Minneapolis-Saint Paul) vs SU: Syracuse
Ottos Edge: Minn... two is better than one

State Fair
Minn: in St Paul vs SU: in Syracuse
Ottos Edge: Minn... because of heavy traffic from the fair, classes do not start at Minn until after the fair is over. I wish we did that with our FB games so people would show up.

Minn: Saint Paul Winter Carnival (famous for ice castles and sculptures) vs SU: May Fest
Ottos Edge: SU... I rather celebrate the warmth than the cold.

Minn: Mall of America vs SU: Destiny USA
Ottos Edge: Minn... destiny seems destined to be a dream

Canal on
Minn: Mississippi vs SU: Erie
Ottos Edge: SU... not only did it help NYC become a power, it caused the conservation of Adirondack Park.

Minn: 61st (US News) vs SU: 58th
Ottos Edge: SU... but we have been steadily falling

Minn: 4th largest 51K (29 under, 22 grad) vs SU: 19k
Ottos Edge: Minn... while having a lot of students sucks, the university police have a free escort service since the 1980s. Wait that isnt the type of escorts I am thinking, is it? Uff da!

Students live in
Minn: Dinkytown vs SU: South Campus
Ottos Edge: SU... Dinkytown is just north of campus. The area has small businesses, restaurants, bars, and apartments that house mostly students.

Getting around campus
Minn: through The Gopher Way (tunnels) or on buses vs SU: walking between snow banks
Ottos Edge: Minn... in 1992 Minn created a busway but in the first 5 years there were many accidents. So they used a new invention called stop signs to alleviate the problem.

School Paper
Minn: The Minnesota Daily (est 1900) vs SU: Daily Orange (1903)
Ottos Edge: SU... we are better. They print their paper M-Th and have an online only version on F.

School Colors
Minn: Maroon and Gold vs SU: Orange
Ottos Edge: SU... maroon and gold equals awful

Team Name
Minn: Golden Gophers vs SU: Orange
Ottos Edge: Minn... we should be the OrangeMEN

Minn: Goldy the Gopher vs SU: Otto the Orange
Ottos Edge: SU... Goldy? Did Flavor Flav name him?

Fight Song
Minn: Minnesota Rouser vs SU: Down, Down the Field
Ottos Edge: SU... no one likes a trouble maker

Minn: Ski-U-Mah vs SU: Lets Go Orange
Ottos Edge: SU... Ski is a Sioux battle cry and U Mah is for U of M

No one, and I mean no one, comes into our house and pushes us around (Home Field)
Minn: TCF (Twin City Financial) Bank Stadium (almost 51k) vs SU: Carrier Dome
Ottos Edge: SU... TCF is designed for expansion to 80k. But they have NO BEER! TCF is paying $35 million over 25 years for the naming rights.

Before then Minn played in a....

Minn: Metrodome vs SU: Carrier
Ottos Edge: SU... if the Metrodome were so great they wouldnt have left.

Other Past Stadiums
Minn: Northrop Field (1899-1923), Memorial (known as Brick House, 1924-1981) vs SU: Archbold Stadium
Ottos Edge: Minn... they had greater success in theirs

1st year of FB
Minn: 1882 vs SU: 1889
Ottos Edge: Minn... they have been around longer

All Time Ws
Minn: 635 vs SU: 674
Ottos Edge: SU... their 10 W season in 2003 was their first since 1905. However...

National Champs
Minn: 6 vs SU: 1
Ottos Edge: Minn... they won 3 straight titles from 1934-1936, the last D1A team to do so. During that time they had an unbeaten streak of 28 straight, with a string of 21 straight Ws. They also won back to back in 1940-1941, with an 18 game W streak. Their last title was 1960 in which they lost to Wash in the Rose (polls ended before Bowls back then).

Minn: B11 vs SU: BE
Ottos Edge: Minn... we can win ours which says a lot of the quality

Speaking of which...

Conf Champs
Minn: 18 vs SU: 4
Ottos Edge : Minn... they havent won the B11 since 1967 and havent been to the Rose since 1961

Staying with Bowls...

Bowl Games
Minn: 5-8 vs SU: 12-9-1
Ottos Edge: SU... too bad for both schools that there were not 500 Bowl games years ago or our numbers would be much higher

Head to Head
Minn: 1 W vs SU: 1 W
Ottos Edge: Push... this will be for the lead

Rivalry Trophies
Minn: Paul Bunyans Axe (Wisc 1948), Floyd of Rosedale (Iowa 1935), Governors Victory Bell (PSU 1993), Little Brown Jug (Mich 1903) vs SU: Schwartzwalder Trophy (WV)
Ottos Edge: Minn... their rivalry with Wisc is the most played game in D1A. Since 1890 they have played 117 times (1906 only missed meeting). Before the Axe they played for the Slab of Bacon, a piece of wood with an M or W depending on how you held it. The trophy was lost in 1943. The schools also partake in the Border Battle, a year long competition in each sport, in which 40 points are allocated in each sport. The 40 points divided by each match in that sport, so 40 points to the FB winner, 20 for each game in BBall, and so on.

Best HC
Minn: Bernie Bierman (16 years, 93-35-6 record, 6 B11s, 5 National Titles, 5 undefeated seasons) vs SU: Schwartzwalder
Ottos Edge: Minn... hard to argue with that

But you can argue with...

HC fired after bad Bowl performance
Minn: Mason (blew 38-7 3rd Q lead vs Texas Tech) vs SU: P (blown out by GT)
Ottos Edge: Push... they are no winners when you fire a HC that late in a season

HC Alumn
Minn: Bud Grant vs SU: HCRE
Ottos Edge: Minn... he is in the HoF

Speaking of which...

Minn: 6 (Bobby Bell, Carl Eller, Bud Grant, Bronko Nagurski, Leo Nomellini, Charlie Sanders) vs SU: 6
Ottos Edge: SU... since Floyd Little has a shot this year

Minn: 21 vs SU: 14
Ottos Edge: Minn... even though most of their guys were before the modern era

Heisman Halfback
Minn: Bruce Boo Smith (1941) vs SU: Ernie Davis
Ottos Edge: SU... he had a movie about him

Sticking with hardware...

CFB Award
Minn: Bronko Nagurski Trophy (D MVP) vs SU: Mackey Trophy (TE)
Ottos Edge: Minn... more important award

Awards are given to greats...

Denver Bronco Greats
Minn: Karl Macklenburg vs SU: Floyd Little
Ottos Edge: SU... although they got more bang for the buck with the 12th round 310th pick, Mecklenburg

Boston Patriot Greats
Minn: Gino Cappelletti vs SU: Jim Nance
Ottos Edge: Minn... he is the AFLs all time leading scorer (mostly as a K) and a Top 10 WR. He also played DB and returned kicks.

Something not so great...

Helped Michael Vick come back to NFL
Minn: Dungy (alumn) vs SU: McNabb
Ottos Edge: Push... Vick should have been kicked to the curb

Staying with kicking...

Minn: Chip Lohmiller vs SU: Gary Anderson, Olinda Mare
Ottos Edge: SU... Anderson was one of the best

Minn: Carl Eller vs SU: Freeney
Ottos Edge: Minn... win goes to the Purple People Eater, for now

Speaking of eating...

Let's put the women and children to bed and go lookin' for dinner (Food)
Minn: Walleye (state fish), Lutefisk (Scandinavian fish dish) vs SU: Dino BBQ
Ottos Edge: SU... I will take ribs over fish any day

Minn: Haralson, Honeycrisp (both developed U Minn) vs SU: Cortland, Empire, Northern Spy
Ottos Edge: SU... as NY is the 2nd biggest apple producing state

You can get apple products at the...

Minn: Target vs SU: Wegmans
Ottos Edge: SU... I could use one of their subs right now. Robert Ulrich of Target is a Minn alumn.

The Target Center is home to the...

Minn: ex GM McHale (UM alumn) vs SU: Jonny Flynn
Ottos Edge: SU... unlike Kev, Jonny will bring join to their fans

Sticking with BBall...

3pt sharp shooter
Minn: Trent Tucker vs SU: GMac
Ottos Edge: Minn... he was able to hit a shot with only 0.1 secs (Trent Tucker Rule).

Former Pro Franchises
Minn: Lakers, NorthStars vs SU: Nationals (76ers)
Ottos Edge: Minn... they at least got replacements back in the Wolves and Wild.

Some say this is a sport...

Pro Wrestling
Minn: Ric Flair, Brock Lesnar vs SU: Mike Rotunda
Ottos Edge: Minn... Woooo!

Sticking with wrassling...

State actually elected
Minn: Jesse Ventura, Al Franken vs SU: Hillary Clinton
Ottos Edge: Push... there are no winners here

Other Politicians
Minn: Eugene McCarthy, Tim Pawlenty vs SU: Al D'Amato, Donna Shalala
Ottos Edge: SU... I miss Al. He was always entertaining.

Both schools produced...

Minn: Hubert Humphrey, Walter Mondale vs SU: Biden
Ottos Edge: Minn... well they had 2

Biden is VP to the first African American POTUS. Other AA firsts...

African History
Minn: Bobby Marshall 1st black Big 9 player and along with Frtiz Pollard first black NFL player vs SU: Ernie Davis first black Heisman winner
Ottos Edge: Push... all where winners here

Davis was also good at...

Minn: Paul Molitor, Terry Steinbach, Dave Winfield vs SU: Syracuse has a minor league team
Ottos Edge: Minn... Big Dave was my favorite player growing up

Other sports known for
Minn: Hockey, Wrestling vs SU: Lax
Ottos Edge: Minn... only because we cut our wrestling team. Their hockey team has won 5 titles and made 19 Frozen Fours. Herb Brooks and 9 members of the 1980 US team were from U of Minn. In a interesting side note the mens hockey team plays in Mariucci Arena, while the women have their own arena, Ridder Arena (the first dedicated womens hockey arena, cap 3400). The wrestling team has been around for 92 seasons and produced over 800 wins.

Other Athlete
Minn: Tom Lehman vs SU: Myer Prinstein (Gold medalist 1900 triple jump and 1904 triple and long jumps)
Ottos Edge: SU... golf isnt a sport

Which reminds me of the big dance back in St. Olaf to kick off Pretzel Week. It was covered by the local...

Minn: Aaron Brown vs SU: Ted Koppel and many others
Ottos Edge: SU... I hated Aaron Brown

On the radio besides media they play...

Minn: Yanni, Bob Dylan vs SU: Lou Reed
Ottos Edge: SU... Yanni seals the deal

On TV they have...

Minn: Loni Anderson, Henry Fonda, Ron Perlman, Robert Vaughn vs SU: Vanessa Williams, Peter Falk, Lexington Steele, Jerry Stiller
Ottos Edge: SU... plus we have more on top of that

Which brings us to the Category of the Week...

Competitive Eater
Minn: Richard Dean Anderson (Minneapolis native) vs SU: Doug Marrone
Ottos Edge: SU... not even MacGyver can hang with Marrone. BTW who knew MacGyvers first name was Angus? Hmmm beef.

And the winner of the Tattoo is.....

The Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former player, now, about to become a winning head coach. It looks like a mirac... It's in the hole! SU will defeat Minnesota and send them back to Lake Wobegon.

(Yes I did give TWO a tramp stamp)


Steve said...

How about Tom Coughlin as our best HC alum? And SU gets the edge.

KingOttoIII said...

Well I was trying to give Minn so points so I left him out.

Actually that was pretty bad to forget him. Not in season form yet.

Lee said...

Just wanted to mention that Bruce Smith also had a movie made about him, but I'll still give SU the advantage because yours is a better story.. with a much more recent release date.

Anonymous said...

Please don't forget Tony Dungy as our best hc alum. I think he beats out Tom Coughlin....

Anonymous said...

Prince is from Minnesota!

KingOttoIII said...

re: Prince

Are you an SU fan trying to confirm the SU W? Or are you are Minny fan thinking Prince would help your cause?

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