Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Tale of the Tape: Cincinnati vs Syracuse

This week on the ToT the Bearcats of Cincinnati will go to the Dome to do battle with the Orange of Syracuse. The teams are playing for an orange Big O. Tattoo

Born on Date
Cincy: 1819 vs SU: 1870
Ottos Edge: Cincy... who also has the 4th oldest Law School

Cincy: Tier 3 (US News) vs SU: Tier 1
Ottos Edge: SU... thats a lot of students (nearly 40k) not learning very much

GPS (location)
Cincy: Cincy vs SU: Syracuse
Ottos Edge: Push... both schools were named after the city


City named after
Cincy: George Washington vs SU: Siricusa, Sicily
Ottos Edge: Cincy... Cincinnatus was a Roman General who after war relinquished his powers much like GW

Local nut job
Cincy: Charles Manson vs SU: Tom Cruise
Ottos Edge: Cincy... Cruise is still at large

Local Brothers
Cincy: Nick/Drew Lachey vs SU: Baldwins
Ottos Edge: Push... there are no winners here

Cincy: Greater Cincinnati (which is in Kentucky) vs SU: Hancock International
Ottos Edge: SU... at least ours is in the same state

Also misnamed…

Coney Island Amusement Park
Cincy: in Cincy vs SU: in Brooklyn
Ottos Edge: SU... cant beat the original

Sticking with names...

City Nickname
Cincy: Queen City vs SU: Salt City
Ottos Edge: SU... not that there is anything wrong with that

Some may call them Queens…

School Leader
Cincy: Nancy Zimpher vs SU: Nancy Cantor
Ottos Edge: SU... Zimpher is no longer at Cincy and is now Chancellor of SUNY

Speaking of Nancys…

Public Service
Cincy: William Howard Taft (CINCY law) Pres and Chief justice vs SU: Donna Shalala Secretary US Department of Health and Human Services
Ottos Edge: Cincy... Taft's father wouldnt let him play FB at Yale (undergrad) cuz it was not safe and not a gentleman's sport. Wuss.

Taft was round like a…

Cincy: a Bearcat vs SU: an Orange
Ottos Edge: SU... Otto is fierce

Speaking of fierce…

Interior Design
Cincy: top notch program vs SU: Thom Filicia (alum) from Queer Eye
Ottos Edge: Push... dont ask me, my place is a mess

While we are on Queer…

Cincy: alum Randy Harrison (Queer as Folk) vs SU: Tom Cruise (Syracuse native)
Ottos Edge: SU... I was gonna make a joke but Cruises lawyers wouldnt let me

Ok enough of this, time for some manly categories…

Cincy: Rich Franklin (UFC) vs SU: Mike Rotunda (WWF)
Ottos Edge: Cincy... ultimate fighting is as real as it gets

Adult Mags
Cincy: Stephanie Heinrich (Cincy and Playboy alum), Carmen Electra (native) vs SU: Vanessa Williams (alum)
Ottos Edge: Cincy... aaaahhh Carmen. Also Miss Heinrich was one of Hef's girls

Someone who was anti porn (boo)...

Name from last election
Cincy: Charles Keating (alum was buddies with McCain) vs SU: Biden
Ottos Edge: SU... well our guy was a positive to the campaign (I think)

Keating wouldnt have liked...

Cincy: Naked Cowboy (alum) vs SU: Lexington Steele
Ottos Edge: SU... weird fact: you can get married by the Naked Cowboy

Getting back to manly things...

Let's put the women and children to bed and go lookin' for dinner! (Food)

Cincy: Goetta (ground meat and oats) vs SU: Heids Hotdog
Ottos Edge: SU... I have never been to Heids but goetta sounds gross.

Cincy: Skyline (over spaghetti) vs SU: Dino (normal)
Ottos Edge: SU... not a chilli fan but I dont see the point of adding it to spaghetti

Ice Cream
Cincy: Graeter's vs SU: Byrne Dairy
Ottos Edge: Push... we all win with ice cream

And now the manliest sport of them all…

1st year of FB
Cincy: 1885 (5th oldest) vs SU: 1889
Ottos Edge: Cincy... if it werent for their age they would have no tradition

All Time Wins
Cincy: 500+ vs SU: 600+
Ottos Edge: SU... Cincy is 1 game over .500, lets send them back to even

Bowl Games
Cincy: 5-5 vs SU 12-9-1
Ottos Edge: SU... not many are as good as SU

Head to Head
Cincy: 5 wins vs SU: 4 wins
Ottos Edge: Cincy… but that will be back to even after Sat as well

Cincy: Miami vs SU: Colgate
Ottos Edge: Cincy... they have played Miami since 1888 (8th oldest) while SU hasnt played Colgate (65 meetings) since 1987 and only 3 times since 1961. However CINCY trails the Miami series 47-59-7

No one, and I mean no one, comes into our house and pushes us around (Home Field)
Cincy: Nippert (35k) vs SU: Carrier Dome
Ottos Edge: SU… theirs is out of date.

Nippert is one of the oldest stadiums (1924) and was named after Jimmy Nippert. On Thanksgiving of 1923 he was cleated in a game against rival Miami. He died of blood poisoning on Christmas. His grandfather donated $250k toward the stadium to help complete it.

Founding Member of
Cincy: Metro Conf vs SU: BE Conf
Ottos Edge: SU... we made the BE

Cincy: Gino Guidugli (#1 Cincy passing yards), Greg Cook vs SU: McNabb, Graves, McPherson
Ottos Edge: SU... not very close

All time leading rusher
Cincy: Reggie Taylor vs SU: Joe Morris
Ottos Edge: SU... Lil Joe was big

Cincy: LaDaris Vann (#1 Cincy yards) vs SU Quadry Ismail
Ottos Edge: SU... didnt even have to take out the big guns

Cincy: Jason Fabini vs SU: Jim Ringo
Ottos Edge: SU… another win for SU

Cincy: Sam Garnes vs SU: Donovin Darius
Ottos Edge: SU... easy win for SU

Cincy: Jim Obrien (who is also #2 Cincy WR yards) vs SU: Gary Anderson
Ottos Edge: Cincy... bonus points for hitting SB V game winner and being a real FB player

Bobby Boucher (best defender)
Cincy: Aaron Webster vs SU: Derrell Smith
Ottos Edge: SU... as long as he plays

Former coach
Cincy: Sid Gillman vs SU: Ben Schwartzwalder
Ottos Edge: Cincy... Ben won a title in CFB but Sid won an AFL title and had a bigger influence on the game

While we are on coaches…

Dick MacPherson
Cincy: Asst during the early 1960s vs SU: Head Coach
Ottos Edge: SU... Don Nehlen and Urban Meyer were also Assts at CINCY

Former Alum now HC
Cincy: Urban Meyer vs SU: HCRE
Ottos Edge: Cincy... he has the rings to prove it

BBall Coach
Cincy: Huggins vs SU: JB
Ottos Edge: SU… oh wait thats right they sent Bob packing and havent been the same since

Sticking with BBall…

BBall Great
Cincy: Oscar Robertson vs SU: Dave Bing
Ottos Edge: Cincy... the Big O wins this one

Denver Nugget
Cincy: Kenyon Martin vs SU: Melo
Ottos Edge: SU… Melo comes through

Mellos sidekick at SU…

"Jerry, Jerry, Jerry"
Cincy: Jerry Springer vs SU: GMac
Ottos Edge: SU... how the hell was Springer mayor? GMac could be mayor in SYR or Scranton.

Moving on to another sport…

Cincy: Sandy Koufax (alum), Kevin Youkilis (alum), Kenesaw Mountain Landis (alum), Pete Rose (son of city), Marg Schott (Reds owner) vs SU: Skychiefs
Ottos Edge: SU... not giving this to Cincy until that SOB Rose admits what he did. Bonus negative points for Youkilis (and his beard), as well as Landis who was anti integration, and Schott, although she was a character.

Characters are found on TV shows created by…

TV writer/producer
Cincy: Earl Hamner (The Waltons/Falcon Crest) vs SU: Aaron Sorkin (The West Wing)
Ottos Edge: SU... he gets bonus points for A Few Good Men

And on TV are gameshows…

$20,000 Pyramid
Cincy: Nipsey Russell vs SU: Dick Clark
Ottos Edge: For the category, here is your subject. Go!

Salt potatoes… Things that are side dishes?
Lake effect snow… Things that arent good cold?
Erie Canal… hmmmmm
Destiny USA…. Things that are fictional?
Sorry time is up. What if I said “44”?... ooooh SU

From TV to…

Cincy: WXRP's Jennifer Marlowe vs SU: WFAN's Marc Malusis
Ottos Edge: Cincy... where is Loni these days?

We now have satellite radio. And a satellite (Sputnik) launched the space race which led to…

Cincy: Neil Armstrong (taught there) the first man on the moon vs Eileen Collins (alum) the first female pilot
Ottos Edge: Cincy... unless of course you believe it was staged

Speaking of the stage...

Zero Point Zero (alum that didnt graduate)
Cincy: George Clooney vs SU: Vanessa Williams
Ottos Edge: SU... well she was a Fox (was married to Rick)

And finally this year’s category of the week…

Competitive Eater
Cincy: Billy Taft vs SU: Doug Marrone
Ottos Edge: SU... Marrone handles the 300 pounder and takes it home

And the Tattoo goes to...

The Syracuse Orangemen as they upset Cincy, signaling their return.

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