Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Tale of the Tape: Maine Black Bears vs Syracuse Orange

Welcome to the ToT. Last week SU defeated NW with a buzzer beating FG. However SU is not quite back yet and we need to take our next opponent seriously. In time we will be back. Thats all it takes really, (D) pressure and time. This week SU hosts the Maine Black Bears. The teams will be playing for an Orange Gummy Bear Tattoo.

Born on Date
Maine: 1865 vs SU: 1870
Ottos Edge: Maine... they Bearly beat us out.

Maine: Tier 3 (US News) vs SU: 58th
Ottos Edge: SU... I wanted to go to Maine but my mom said, "they're all going to laugh at you."

Student size (not height and weight)
Maine: 12k vs SU: 19k
Ottos Edge: SU... wow two weeks in a row. Lets hope that gets us our second W on the field as well.

GPS (location)
Maine: Orono vs SU: Syracuse
Ottos Edge: Maine... Orono was settled in 1774

State known for
Maine: Lighthouses, LL Bean, Lobster, Maple Syrup, Mooses, Poland Spring (what it means to be from Maine), Toothpicks (#1 producer) vs
SU: Apples, Buffalo Bills, Dairy, Erie Canal, Lake Placid, NYC, Maple Syrup, Wegmans, Wine
Ottos Edge: SU... compared to NY, living anywhere else would just be Misery

Local Stores
Maine: Renys, Levinskys vs SU: Mannys
Ottos Edge: Maine... according to their slogan, Renys is an adventure

Now lets put the women and children to bed and go lookin for dinner (food)
Maine: Amatos, DiMillo's floating restaurant, Humpty Dumpty chips vs SU: Coneys, Dino BBQ
Ottos Edge: Push... eating really is a wicked adventure

You can get roadtrip food at...

Gas Station
Maine: Irving vs SU: Nice N Easy
Ottos Edge: SU... screw Canada

Canadians like to play...

Sport with sticks
Maine: Hockey vs SU: Lax
Ottos Edge: SU... Maine won titles in 1993 and 1999. And have made 11 Frozen Fours.

We are also good at...

BBall Coach
Maine: Rick Carlisle (transferred to UVA) vs SU: JB
Ottos Edge: SU... who wins by a Green Mile

Speaking of coaches...

Maine: Stump Merrill, John Henry Williams (Teds kid) vs SU: Chiefs
Ottos Edge: Maine... why can the Chiefs drop the Sky but we cant keep the MEN in Orangemen?

And now to FB...

First year of FB
Maine: 1892 vs SU: 1889
Ottos Edge: SU... they were actually DII from 1973-1977 and played with small colleges before that.

Since 1977 they have been...

Maine: AA vs SU: A
Ottos Edge: Maine... AA champs are decided on the field

Team Name
Maine: Black Bears vs SU: Orange
Ottos Edge: SU... do they need to discriminate against other bears? Where is the PC police?

No one, and I mean no one, comes into our house and pushes us around (Home Field)
Maine: Alumni Stadium (10K) vs SU: Carrier Dome
Ottos Edge: SU... two weeks in a row with the bigger pad

Staying with the Dome...

Maine: Under the Dome (upcoming novel by alum Stephen King) vs SU: Carrier Dome
Ottos Edge: SU... do people still read books?

Maine: Colonial vs SU: Big East
Ottos Edge: SU... the BE finally wins one. Maine competes in the America East in other sports.

Conf Champs
Maine: 11 (A10 which became Colonial in FB) vs SU: 4
Ottos Edge: SU... even GRob could win an A10 title.

Bowl Record
Maine: 0-1 vs SU: 12-9-1
Ottos Edge: SU... Maine lost in the 1965 Tangerine Bowl

Teams played the most
Maine: NH (98 times), RI (87), Bates (76), Colby (76), UConn (73), Bowdoin (66), UMass (55) vs SU: PSU (69), Colgate (65), Pitt (64), WV (56)
Ottos Edge: Maine... they have played 5 teams more than our biggest "rival"

Former Players
Maine: Lofa Tatupu (who transferred out to USC), Kevin McMahan (2006 Mr Irrelevant) vs SU: some guy named Jim Brown
Ottos Edge: SU... and many more

While we are on JB...

The Running Man
Maine: written by Stephen King vs SU: staring Jim Brown as Fireball
Ottos Edge: SU... JB is scarier than Cujo, the clown in It, Isaac and Malachai all combined

Speaking of fiery guys...

Coach Mac
Maine: born there vs SU: former HC
Ottos Edge: SU... he is ours now

Not only was he HC he also was an...

Maine: Gary Thorne vs SU: Marv Albert
Ottos Edge: SU... I wonder if Marv bought his womens clothing through a...

Swap Shop
Maine: Uncle Henrys weekly guide vs SU: listen to Tradio pranks on Howard Stern
Ottos Edge: SU... love those calls. Does SYR have Tradio?

Staying with Stern, Robin is a fan of...

Maine: Maine Coon Cat vs SU: Solvay
Ottos Edge: Maine... they are a large breed of cat. The better to eat you with?

Speaking of eating, for the category of the week we go to the Overlook Hotel...

Competitive Eater
Maine: Jack Torrance vs SU: Doug Marrone
Ottos Edge: SU... who wins despite Jack's home field advantage.

And the winner of the Tattoo is....

The Syracuse Orange as they win this one easily. Make sure everyone to show up this Saturday for the game. You can either get busy living, or get busy dying.

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