Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Tale of the Tape: Northwestern at Syracuse

Welcome to the ToT. This week the Northwestern Wildcats go against the Syracuse Orange. The two teams will be playing for an Orange Oprah Tattoo.

As one of my heroes once said, lets rock.

Born on Date
NW: 1851 vs SU: 1870
Ottos Edge: NW… which was founded to serve the people of the Northwest Territory, hence the name.

Side note: in 1933 the University of Chicago proposed merging the two schools to save costs. The NW campus would be used for undergrad and the Chicago for grad. However NW eventually turned that down.

Founded by? Anyone? Anyone?
NW: Methodists vs SU: Methodists
Ottos Edge: Push… John Evans, who Evanston is named after, was one of the founders of NW. Then he became Govna of the Territory of Colorado, founding the University of Denver out there.

Speaking of Evanston...

GPS (location)
NW: Evanston vs SU: Syracuse
Ottos Edge: NW... they have a tax exempt status and pay no property taxes to the city

Evanston is located on...

NW: Michigan vs SU: Onondaga
Ottos Edge: NW… you can actually swim in it

Also on Lake Michigan is...

Major City
NW: Chicago vs SU: NYC
Ottos Edge: NW… even though it is the 2nd city, NW is practically part of Chicago. SU is nowhere near NY, no matter how hard TGD tries to prove otherwise.

You can get around Chicago by using the...

NW: Purple Line of the El vs SU: Elmira Express Ernie Davis
Ottos Edge: SU… lets see the Purple Line get a movie about it

Juicy Fruiting (sticking) with trains, as in minds....

NW: 12th (US News) vs SU: 58th
Ottos Edge: NW… WTF is happening to SU? It is bad enough that our sports have all hit the shitter. Do our academics need to too?

Communications School
NW: Medill vs SU: Newhouse
Ottos Edge: SU… I dunno which is better but I do know we need a W somewhere

Some of those students run the...

School Paper
NW: Daily NW (1881) vs SU Daily Orange (1903)
Ottos Edge: Push… I see both schools took a long time thinking up the name.

Doubleminting (sticking) with names...

Team Name
NW: Wildcats vs SU: Orange
Ottos Edge: NW... SU had its manhood taken away

A nickname often associated with ones manhood...

NW: Willie the Wildcat vs SU: Otto the Orange
Ottos Edge: SU… Willie sounds like a better name for South Carolinas mascot

Also supporting the team is the...

Ottos Edge: SU… our band hurts your ears only sumb of the time (that’s because they aren’t large enough to make a lot of noise), while NW’s band will leave you feeling numb.

Staying with numb, as in numbers...

All Time Wins
NW: 468 vs SU: 674
Ottos Edge: SU… NW holds the all time record for Ls, points allowed, and point differential.

They have been losing since...

First Year of FB
NW: 1876 vs SU: 1889
Ottos Edge: NW... at least they have been playing real teams unlike our friends in Jersey

And more NW futility...

We're going streaking
NW: Losing (34 straight games, 23 straight seasons 1972-1994) vs SU Winning (15 straight seasons 1987-2001, 22 straight with .500 or better 1950-1971)
Ottos Edge: SU… when they set the 34 game record in 1981 (losing 61-14 to Mich St), students rushed the field to celebrate, chanting “we’re the worst” and took down the goalposts.

Speaking of Mich St…

Hardest Loss
NW: 41-38 to Mich St in 2006 (biggest comeback in NCAA history) vs SU: Our Manhood (going from Orangemen to Orange)
Ottos Edge: Push… there are no winners here. In that game NW was up 38-3 with under 10 min in the 3rd Q.

Mich State is a conf rival but not NWs...

Biggest Rival
NW: Illinois vs SU: PSU???
Ottos Edge: NW… they play Illinois for the Sweet Sioux Tomahawk. Surprisingly NW only trails Illinois all time 45-52-5 and 29-33-2 since the Tomahawk was established. Also NW has played 8 teams (Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Mich, Minn, OSU, UP, and Wisc) more times than SU has played its “chief rival”.

And those teams play in the...

Founding Members of
NW: Big Ten vs SU Big East
Ottos Edge: NW… can you try and sneak us in too? Please? BTW NW grads are likely the only ones in the B10 who can count to 11 and know how dumb a name the B10 is. In fact last weekend I over heard a PSU grad saying that there are only 10 teams in the B10. They said that they play Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Michigan, Mich St, Minn, Northwestern, Ohio St, Purdue, and Wisconsin. That equals 10.

Conf Championships
NW: 8 vs SU: 4
Ottos Edge: SU… the BE hasnt been around as long otherwise we would have more. Even so, we have more conf championships since 1936 (4 to 3) and NW had none from 1936-1995.

The conf champ goes to the BCS...

Bowl Record
NW: 1-6 vs SU: 12-9-1
Ottos Edge: SU… NWs first Bowl game was the 1949 Rose Bowl. Michigan was the conf champ but the rule back then said a team couldn’t go consecutive years. So NW played instead. Otherwise they would be Bowless until 1995. Ironically the first Bowl was the only one they won. They upset an undefeated Cal team that was coached by Pappy Waldorf, who was NWs coach from 1935-1946.

Big League Chewing (sticking) with coaches...

Former HCs
NW: Ara Parseghian, Dennis Green vs SU: Ben Schwartzwalder, Coach Mac, Coach P
Ottos Edge: SU… our coaches were more successful while coaching for SU than theirs were for NW. I wonder what Green thought about Da Bears back then? Ara is 3rd all time in Ws at NW with a 36-35-1 record.

Former player now HC
NW: Pat Fitzgerlad vs SU: Doug Marrone
Ottos Edge: NW... well Marrone has zero Ws. Also Fitzgerald won the Nagurski and Bednarik awards as a player. Plus the sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude.

Bubble Taping (sticking) with former players...

SB winning Giant
NW: Barry Coefield vs SU: David Tyree
Ottos Edge: Push… we are all winners when the Giants win the SB.

Cleveland Brown Great
NW: Otto Graham vs SU: Jim Brown
Ottos Edge: NW… Graham attended NW on a BBall schollie and was an All American in 1944. He also played 2 years of Baseball. Oddly he wore number 60 until the NFL put the rule in that linemen need to be numbers 50-79. His record with the Browns was 105-17-4, leading the team to 10 championship games in 10 seasons. He also played one season for the Rochester Royals (BBall), winning the league title. Plus his name is Otto.

All Pro Special Teamer
NW: Steve Tasker vs SU: David Tyree
Ottos Edge: NW… Tyree deserves a second mention for The Catch, but Tasker was the better STer.

Tecmo Super Bowler
NW: WR Curtis Duncan vs SU: WR Rob Carpenter
Ottos Edge: SU… Duncan was almost impossible to get receptions for in that game as Hill, Givins, and Jeffires were the 3 best options.

Other Players of Note
NW: Paddy Driscoll, D’Wayne Bates, Napoleon Harris, Darnell Autry, Damien Anderson, Mike Adamle, Matt O’Dwyer, Luis Castillo, Barry Gardner vs SU: Donovan McNabb, Rob Moore, Joe Morris, Larry Csonka, Moose Johnston, Floyd Little, Jim Ringo, Tim Green, Ted Gregory
Ottos Edge: SU… Driscoll is a HoFer, Autry finished 4th in the Heisman, and Adamle was host of American Gladiators but that still isn’t enough to beat out the SU players. Plus many more SU players of note were not mentioned above.

Both schools have former FB players that turned actors...

Original Gansta
NW: Fred The Hammer Williamson vs SU: Jim Brown
Ottos Edge: NW… he still is getting work as an actor (Starsky and Hutch)

They mixed sports and entertainment which is now a specialty of...

ESPN Alumni
NW: J.A. Adande, Kevin Blackistone, Rich Eisen, Mike Greenberg, Brent Musburger, Rachel Nichols, Dave Revsine, Michael Wilbon vs SU: Matthew Berry, Sean McDonough, Dave Pasch, Dave Ryan, Jayson Stark, Mike Tirico
Ottos Edge: SU… sorry but you gave the world Rachel Nichols and need to be punished. Not only does she have no talent, she is hard to look at. Damn HD.

Other Sports Alumni
NW: Luke Donald, Joe Girardi, Mark Loretta, Todd Martin, Debi Thomas vs SU: Melo, Dave Bing, Derrick Coleman, Rony Seikaly, Lax guys
Ottos Edge: SU... we used to be a sports school

Sports Management Alumni
NW: Jerry Reinsdorf, Glen Grunwald vs SU: Al Davis, David Falk
Ottos Edge: SU... with 2 of the most powerful people in sports

Orbiting (sticking) with power...

Political Alumni
NW: John Paul Stevens, William Jennings Bryan, Dick Gephardt, George McGovern, Adlai Stevenson vs SU: Al D'Amato, Joe Biden, Donna Shalala
Ottos Edge: NW... they have bigger names despite SU having the current VP. Also Obama is from Chicago, wait is that a good thing?

Alumni that didn’t graduate
NW: Warren Beatty, Cindy Crawford, Jane Curtin, Shelley Long, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Jerry Orbach, Tony Randall, Hugh Hefner, Patti Davis vs SU: Vanessa Williams, Lou Reed
Ottos Edge: NW... that is a pretty nice list

Julia was on…

NW: Elaine vs SU: Frank Costanza (Jerry Stiller)
Ottos Edge: NW… she can drop him like a bag of dirt

Other Well known alumni
NW: Ana Gasteyer (SNL), Charlton Heston, Richard Kline (Larry from Threes Company), Seth Meyers (SNL), Stephanie March (Law & Order SVU), Garry Marshall (creator Happy Days, Laverne and Shirley, directed Pretty Woman), Charlotte Rae (Mrs Garrett), Robert Reed (Mike Brady), Jeri Ryan, David Schwimmer, Jerry Springer, McLean Stevenson (Colonel Blake M*A*S*H), Arthur Anderson, Darren Rovell (CNBC), Charles Mayo (Mayo Clinic) vs SU: Stephen Crane, Marv Albert, Len Berman, Bob Costas, Ian Eagle, Marty Glickman, Megyn Kelly, Ted Koppel, Steve Kroft, Bob Shannon, Dick Stockton, Dick Clark, Taye Diggs, Peter Falk, Carl Gottlieb, Grace Jones, Lisa Lampanelli, Aaron Sorkin
Ottos Edge: SU... both are impressive lists but they have some from SNL and that hasnt been funny in decades.

Fake Alumnus
NW: Jim Levenstein (American Pie) vs SU: Sonny Koufax (Big Daddy)
Ottos Edge: SU… Koufax is a good egg. But he fights like a girl.

Freedenting (sticking) with Big Daddy...

Daily Show
NW: Stephen Colbert (NW Grad) vs SU: Jon Stewart (played SU grad in Big Daddy)
Ottos Edge: NW... SU needs no association with the unfunny Stewart, even if it is a fake association

Speaking of fake...

NW: 2 BBall players convicted of fixing games in 1995 vs SU: MW allegedly cheated on tests
Ottos Edge: Push… neither was a big deal since both programs sucked

But it doesnt look good for either school just like...

Bad Apple Prof
NW: Arthur Butz (Holocaust denialist) vs SU: Dr Boyce Watkins
Ottos Edge: Push… there are no winners here.

Getting back to sports and a lack of winning...

NW: never made NCAAs, NIT 2009 (1st since 1999) vs SU: Sweet 16 last year
Ottos Edge: SU… I thought we have had it bad the past few years.

A sport NW is actually good at...

Womens Lax
NW: 5 straight titles vs SU: Gait is our coach
Ottos Edge: NW… but that wont be for very long

While we are on women (not literally)...

Alpha Phi
NW: headquarters are in Evanston vs SU: founded the sorority
Ottos Edge: Push… the real winners are male students

Now lets put the women and children to bed and go lookin for dinner (Eatery)
NW: Unos Grill vs SU: Dino BBQ
Ottos Edge: Push... the winner here is our stomachs

After dinner we can have an...

Ice Cream Sundae
NW: Evanston claims invented vs SU: Ithaca, Buffalo, and NYC all claim invented
Ottos Edge: SU... we have them outnumbered

Some people may top their sundae with marshmallows, which NW students used to throw during FB games played at...

No one, and I mean no one, comes into our house and pushes us around (Home Field)
NW: Ryan Field (47150) vs SU: Carrier Dome (49250)
Ottos Edge: SU… Ryan field was built in 1926. Before 1997 it was named Dyche Stadium. Parts of the Express were filmed there.

Other NW traditions include:
-Painting The Rock, a giant boulder used as a canvas/billboard
-Dance Marathon, a 30 hour dancing fundraiser. I think this started to Save Ferris.
-Primal Scream, 9pm the Sunday before finals students scream
-Dillo Day, an annual festival in May the Saturday after classes end. It started in 1972 and features an all day concert.

Big Reding (sticking) with students...

Student size
NW: 18k vs SU: 19k
Ottos Edge: SU... holy crap we are actually bigger than an opponent

The most important student on Saturday will be...

Bobby Boucher (best defender)
NW: Corey Wootton vs SU: Art Jones
Ottos Edge: NW... not good news for our OL

Which will effect the outcome and our record...

Head to Head
NW: 4 wins vs SU: 4 wins
Ottos Edge: Push… hopefully it will become 5 for SU or I will be feeling blue

Which is not a...

School Color
NW: Purple and White vs SU: Orange
Ottos Edge: SU… purple? The only thing worse would be pink and green.

And finally the category of the week...

My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw at 31 Flavors last night two guys...

Competitive Eater
NW: Chicago's own Al Bundy vs SU: Doug Marrone
Ottos Edge: SU... Marrone downed a nice juicy steak, medium rare, with little brown potatoes on the right side of the plate, ketchup on the left, where some people waste space with vegetables. And for dessert, a roast beef.

And the Tattoo goes to.....

The Syracuse Orange, who will get their first W of the year as DC3 scores 4 TDs in one game. Until next time danke schon, baby, danke schon.

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