Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Tale of the Tape: Cincy vs Syracuse

The Final ToT of the Season (I know its sad):

UC: 1819 vs SU: 1870
Advantage: UC... who has the 4th oldest Law School

City named after
UC: George Washington vs SU: Siricusa, Sicily
Advantage: UC... Cincinnatus was a Roman General who after war relinquished his powers much like GW

Local nut job
UC: Charles Manson vs SU: Tom Cruise
Advantage: UC... Cruise is still at large

Local Brothers
UC: Nick/Drew Lachey vs SU: Baldwins
Advantage: Push... there are no winners here

UC: Greater Cincinnati (which is in Kentucky) vs SU: Hancock International
Advantage: SU... atleast ours is in the same state

Also misnamed…

Coney Island Amusement Park
UC: in Cincy vs SU: in Brooklyn
Advantage: SU... cant beat the original

Sticking with names...

City Nickname
UC: Queen City vs SU: Salt City
Advantage: SU... not that there is anything wrong with that

Some may call them Queens…

School Pres
UC: Nancy Zimpher vs SU: Nancy Cantor
Advantage: SU... why did Zimpher have to be such a "nancy" with Huggins? Hopefully Cantor wont be one too come Monday

Speaking of Nancys…

Public Service
UC: William Howard Taft (UC law) Pres and Chief justice vs SU: Donna Shalala Secretary US Department of Health and Human Services
Advantage: UC... Taft's father wouldnt let him play FB at Yale (undergrad) cuz it was not safe and not a gentleman's sport. Wuss.

Taft was round like a…

UC: a Bearcat vs SU: an Orange
Advantage: SU... Otto is fierce

Speaking of fierce…

Interior Design
UC: top notch program vs SU: Thom Filicia (alum) from Queer Eye
Advantage: Push... dont ask me my place is a mess

While we are on Queer…

UC: alum Randy Harrison (Queer as Folk) vs SU: Tom Cruise (Syracuse native)
Advantage: SU... I was gonna make a joke but Cruises lawyers wouldnt let me

Ok enough of this, time for some manly categories…

UC: Rich Franklin (UFC) vs SU: Mike Rotunda (WWF)
Advantage: UC... ultimate fighting is for real

Adult Mags
UC: Stephanie Heinrich (UC and Playboy alum), Carmen Electra (native) vs SU: Vanessa Williams (alum)
Advantage: UC... aaaahhh Carmen. Also Miss Heinrich was one of Hef's girls

UC: Goetta (ground meat and oats) vs SU: Heids Hotdog
Advantage: SU... I never been to Heids but goetta sounds gross.

UC: Skyline (over spaghetti) vs SU: Dino (normal)
Advantage: SU... not a chilli fan but I dont see the point of adding it to spaghetti

Sticking with food…

Ice Cream
UC: Graeter's vs SU: Byrne Dairy
Advantage: Push... we all win with ice cream

And now the manliest sport of them all…

1st year of FB
UC: 1885 (5th oldest) vs SU: 1889
Advantage: UC... if it werent for their age they would have no tradition

All Time Wins
UC: 522 vs SU: 670
Advantage: SU... UC has a losing overall record at 522-538-51

Bowl Games
UC: 4-4 vs SU 12-9-1
Advantage: SU... not many are as good as SU

Head to Head
UC: 3 wins vs SU: 4 wins
Advantage: Push… it should be tied by midnight Sat

UC: Miami vs SU: Colgate
Advantage: UC... they have played Miami since 1888 (8th oldest) while SU hasnt played Colgate (65 meetings) since 1987 and only 3 times since 1961. However UC trails the Miami series 45-59-7

UC: Nippert (35k) vs SU: Carrier Dome
Advantage: SU… theirs is out of date.

Nippert is one of the oldest stadiums (1924) and was named after Jimmy Nippert. On Thanksgiving of 1923 he was cleated in a game against rival Miami. He died of blood poisoning on Christmas. His grandfather donated $250k toward the stadium to help complete it.

Founding Member of
UC: Metro Conf vs SU: BE Conf
Advantage: SU... we made the BE

UC: Gino Guidugli (#1 UC passing yards), Greg Cook vs SU: McNabb, Graves, McPherson Advantage: SU... not very close

All time leading rusher
UC: Reggie Taylor vs SU: Joe Morris
Advantage: SU... Lil Joe was big

UC: LaDaris Vann (#1 UC yards) vs SU Quadry Ismail
Advantage: SU... didnt even have to take out the big guns

UC: Jason Fabini vs SU: Jim Ringo
Advantage: SU… RIP

UC: Sam Garnes vs SU: Donovin Darius
Advantage: SU... easy win for SU

UC: Jim Obrien (who is also #2 UC WR yards) vs SU: Gary Anderson
Advantage: UC... bonus points for hitting SB V game winner and being a real FB player

Former coach
UC: Sid Gillman vs SU: Ben Schwartzwalder
Advantage: UC... Ben won a title in CFB but Sid won an AFL title and had a bigger influence on the game

While we are on coaches…

Dick MacPherson
UC: Asst during the early 1960s vs SU: Head Coach
Advantage: UC... Don Nehlen and Urban Meyer were also Assts at UC

BBall Coach
UC: ??? vs SU: JB
Advantage: SU… this wouldn’t have been so one sided if Huggins was still there. Boy will they be sorry when WV comes to town.

Sticking with BBall…BBall Great
UC: Oscar Robertson vs SU: Dave Bing
Advantage: UC... the Big O wins this one

Denver Nugget
UC: Kenyon Martin vs SU: Melo
Advantage: SU… Melo comes through

Mellos sidekick at SU…

"Jerry, Jerry, Jerry"
UC: Jerry Springer vs SU: GMac
Advantage: SU... how the hell was he mayor?

Moving on to another sport…

UC: Sandy Koufax (alum), Kevin Youkilis (alum), Pete Rose (son of city), Marg Schott (Reds owner) vs SU: Skychiefs
Advantage: SU... not giving this to UC until that SOB Rose admits what he did. Bonus negative points for Youkilis (and his beard), as well as Schott, although she was a character.

Characters are found on TV shows created by…

TV writer/producer
UC: Earl Hamner (The Waltons/Falcon Crest) vs SU: Aaron Sorkin (The West Wing) Advantage: SU... he gets bonus points for A Few Good Men

And on TV are gameshows…

$20,000 Pyramid
UC: Nipsey Russell vs SU: Dick Clark
Advantage: For the category, here is your subject. Go!

Salt potatoes… Things that are side dishes?
Lake effect snow… Things that arent good cold?
Erie Canal… hmmmmm
Destiny USA…. Things that are fictional?
Sorry time is up. What if I said “44”?... ooooh SU

From TV to…

UC: WXRP's Jennifer Marlowe vs SU: WFAN's Marc Malusis
Advantage: UC... where is Loni these days?

We now have satellite radio. And a satellite (Sputnik) launched the space race which led to…

UC: Neil Armstrong (UC teacher) the first man on the moon vs Eileen Collins (alum) the first female pilot
Advantage: UC... unless of course you believe it was staged

And finally this year’s weekly category…

Bizarro Swish (aka manly guy who kicks ass)
UC: David Canary (Adam Chandler in All My Children) vs SU: Thomas Everett Scott (Michael Brantley in Boiler Room)
Advantage: UC… he plays the most powerful man on All My Children. I bet he could build some nice facilities with all that money.

There you have it folks. SU will win this one and send the SRs and GRob out on a high note. And remember the numbers never lie.

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