Thursday, November 15, 2007

Tale of the Tape: UConn vs Syracuse

This week's ToT:

School founded
UConn: 1881 vs SU: 1870
Advantage: SU... Storrs Agricultural School (as UConn was founded) has nuttin on us

Campus location
UConn: the middle of nowhere vs SU: a city
Advantage: SU... unless you are an Aggie (as the UConn teams once were) or like Ram-napping (as they used to do to Rhode Islands mascot)

UConn: 64th vs SU: 50th
Advantage: SU… cant believe UConn is that high

Top program for
UConn: Puppetry vs SU: Communications
This is a hard one to call so I will defer to Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog…

Thank you. Thank you. I am so pleased to be part of the ToT this week. God what has come of my career. I keed, I keed. I love King Ottos work. He is so great that I would like to sniff his butt. Anyway the advantage here goes to UConn. They truly are a great school... for me to poop on!

School paper
UConn: Daily Campus vs SU: Daily Orange
Advantage: SU… although they have better stories to write about (laptops, pellet guns, etc).

UConn: Jonathan vs SU: Otto
Advantage: SU... War Otto.

Speaking of war, Jonathan was named after Jonathan Trumbull, who was the only Colonial Gov to side with the Americans during the Revolution.

While we are on history…

FB history
UConn: none vs SU: tons
Advantage: UConn... who cares look at their nice facilities

First year of FB
UConn 1896 vs SU 1889
Advantage: SU... 1896 if you want to call that football. More like 2000, when they joined D1A.

All Time Ws
UConn: 456 (or 454 if you dont count Temple or Louisville) vs SU: 670
Advantage: SU… and their Ws are against a weak schedule

Biggest Bowl Game
UConn: ’04 Motor City Bowl vs SU: '59 Cotton Bowl
Advantage: UConn... the Motor City Bowl is basically the SuperBowl, plus they beat Toledo!

Rivalry with BC
UConn: is BCs bitch vs SU: is our bitch
Advantage: UConn… they threatened a law suit if I didnt pick them

All Time QB
UConn: Dan Orlovsky vs SU: McNabb
Advantage: SU… slight edge

All Time RB
UConn: Walt Trojanowski vs SU: Jim Brown
Advantage: SU… easy win, just like our game against UConn last year

Sticking with FB players…

Dwight Freeney grew up
UConn: in state vs SU: as player
Advantage: SU... he would be in the Arena League if he went to UConn

Speaking of arenas…

UConn: Rent (40k) vs SU: Dome
Advantage: SU… fitting that they have a MAC sized stadium

Both Stadium names come from…

United Technologies
UConn: Pratt & Whitney donated Rentschler airfield to Conn vs SU: Carrier put up money for Dome
Advantage: UConn... theirs was a gift to the state while ours ended up being one of the worst deals of all time

Stadium located
UConn: not even close to campus vs SU: on campus
Advantage: SU... nuttin like having to take a long bus trip to a home game for UConn

While we are on trips…

Fans travel
UConn: only to home games vs SU: up and down the eastern seaboard
Advantage: UConn... you try traveling to a pasture to watch a game

Speaking of pasture, as in needing to be put out to…

UConn: HCRE vs SU: GRob
Advantage: SU… hes coached 33 years, is a great recruiter/evaluator (you can read it in any press guide), and his record shows he is a good coach.

Sticking with coaches…

BBall coach
UConn: JC vs SU: JB
Advantage: SU... B comes before C, who is a miserable prick

Owe BBall and FB success to
UConn: Syracuse's teams paving the way vs SU: no one we are self made
Advantage: UConn... why do the hard work?

Fans also love
UConn: womens BBall vs SU: LAX
Advantage: SU... and they like their soccer too. That tells a lot.

Staying with Womens Hoops…

Former womens BBaller married
UConn: SI writer (Lobo to Steve Rushin) vs SU NFL star QB (Raquel Nurse to McNabb) Advantage: SU... I cant believe Lobo met a man. Thinking of her makes me want to McPuke
You can also puke from drinking too much…

Beer sales
UConn: cannot be done after 8pm vs SU: anytime you want
Advantage: SU... nuttin like a late night run to the Nice N Easy (while drunk and underage) and having no problem getting beer. Aaaah college.

Speaking of drinking…

JFK link
UConn: Ed Kennedy Jr alum vs SU: JFK spoke at commencement
Advantage: SU... BTW how is Ted and Ed the same?

Sticking with politics…

Cant believe they elected
UConn: Joe Liberman vs SU: Hillary Clinton
Advantage: Push... there are no winners here

People in state wear sweaters
UConn: around neck vs SU: like you should
Advantage: SU... how annoying is that?

Speaking of annoying…

The Devils spawn
UConn: Chris Berman was born in state vs SU: Tom Cruise was born in area
Advantage: SU... atleast we got rid of our demon child. Berman still lives there.

Berman thinks he can play in a…

UConn: The Monkees (Peter Tork went to HS in Storrs) vs SU The Velvet Underground (Lou Reed alum)
Advantage: UConn... not a trace of doubt in my mind

But Berman is really just a…

Round short dude
UConn: Khalid El Amin vs SU: Otto
Advantage: SU... Otto is cute and cuddly. El Amin is just a fat boy.

Speaking of fat boys…

UConn: Julius Nasso (Steven Seagal movies) vs SU: Dick Clark (everything on TV)
Advantage: UConn... I couldnt imagine a world without those great Steven Seagal movies. Too bad he ate himself out of a career.

And finally this year’s weekly category…

Bizarro Swish (aka manly guy who kicks ass)
UConn: Rebecca Lobo vs SU: Grace Jones
Advantage: SU… they need to bring A Date with Grace Jones back to TV

There you have it folks, the Orange will beat the Nuthuggers... I mean meggers in an upset.
And remember the numbers never lie.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Lets see: Uconn academics..Better Law school....Better Business school Uconn has a the best dental school in the country and one of the best medical schools. Syracuse has none. Uconn is educating doctors Syracuse is educating sports announcers (like anyone can't do that)

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